Death has become a subject many adults are afraid to talk about. To the Victorians, who would have been shocked by today's liberal attitude to sex, our approach to dealing with death would be unfathomable. Our reluctance to deal with death head on can have an extremely detrimental effect on our youngsters and children, which could ultimately lead to mental health problems in later life.
Dove House Hospice is setting out to deal with these issues by hosting an international conference in Hull. The conference will allow those dealing with children on a regular basis to hone their skills and experience to better care for children through the loss process.
Children and Loss: Time to Listen, is the heading for Dove House's 5th international conference, this year being held at Hull Truck Theatre on June 18th. The conference will draw on the hospice's extensive skills obtained through its work with educational partners and youngsters to inform the conference.
The conference aims to guide schools, universities and other education providers, as well as those working with children in the wider community from the clergy to learning mentors and school support staff, to introduce issues surrounding death and dying, grief and loss at an earlier age, enabling them to support children when they need it most.
Head of practise development at Dove House Hospice, Nic MacManus, thinks that the reluctance of society to deal with death can be harmful to the natural emotional development of children.
"Children are often excluded from the bereavement process because their parents or the adults around them are themselves uncomfortable discussing death," says Nic. "Youngsters might want to talk to someone, but feel unable to because of the atmosphere around them."
"In the past death was regarded as a normal part of family life. However, with more and more people dying in hospital, children are often shielded from bereavement in a misguided attempt to protect them from pain."
"In the past children were included in the experience of death in ways that might be considered distasteful now," he says. "For example, having children carry the coffin or see the body of a deceased relative was quite common and allowed children to engage in the grief the family was feeling."
"When looking at loss with regards to children, we are constantly trying to protect them. We want to shield them from things like disappointment and loss but, at some point, we all have to deal with these issues."
A parallel can be made with the "goldfish test", says Nic. "What do we do when a child's goldfish dies? We can either replace it with a new fish and keep quiet, or use the opportunity to discuss death in an open way. In our experience, children are usually open to speaking about death and we hope to make more people feel at ease when discussing loss with children."
"Often, children are traumatised not by the death itself, but by the fears and anxieties they imagine to be connected with death. If we don't talk to children about their emotions, they could continue to be misinformed and believe things which aren't true; potentially causing much more damage."
"By not giving them the information they need when they suffer loss, it can make it more difficult for them to deal with some of their emotions. We can tell them it's okay to feel angry or upset and that it's okay to talk about things. If we don't involve a child, it may be that they end up thinking something awful is happening to them because of the way they are feeling."
Attendees will gain insight into children's experiences of the death of the parent and how to help them tackle the life-changing event as well as understanding the importance of being proactive instead of reactive. Tackling death at an earlier age can help children understand their emotions and prevent negative behaviour which can emerge years later if a child is ignored or excluded from the grieving process. Those attending the conference will also be given the opportunity to tap into a valuable network of professionals, exchanging ideas on supporting children as they deal with overwhelming feelings of loss.
Topics covered at the conference will include "How you can help children and young people who experience loss", "Grief matters for children in school", and "A child's perception of immigration from India to the UK" and the subsequent feelings of loss and culture and sense of belonging such a move can provoke. Speakers already attending are Sukhwant Kaur, team leader for Minority Ethnic Achievement at Hull's Children and Young People's Services; Alison Penny, co-ordinator of the Childhood Bereavement Network and Brenda Mallon, a counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in bereavement.
Dove House Hospice is setting out to deal with these issues by hosting an international conference in Hull. The conference will allow those dealing with children on a regular basis to hone their skills and experience to better care for children through the loss process.
Children and Loss: Time to Listen, is the heading for Dove House's 5th international conference, this year being held at Hull Truck Theatre on June 18th. The conference will draw on the hospice's extensive skills obtained through its work with educational partners and youngsters to inform the conference.
The conference aims to guide schools, universities and other education providers, as well as those working with children in the wider community from the clergy to learning mentors and school support staff, to introduce issues surrounding death and dying, grief and loss at an earlier age, enabling them to support children when they need it most.
Head of practise development at Dove House Hospice, Nic MacManus, thinks that the reluctance of society to deal with death can be harmful to the natural emotional development of children.
"Children are often excluded from the bereavement process because their parents or the adults around them are themselves uncomfortable discussing death," says Nic. "Youngsters might want to talk to someone, but feel unable to because of the atmosphere around them."
"In the past death was regarded as a normal part of family life. However, with more and more people dying in hospital, children are often shielded from bereavement in a misguided attempt to protect them from pain."
"In the past children were included in the experience of death in ways that might be considered distasteful now," he says. "For example, having children carry the coffin or see the body of a deceased relative was quite common and allowed children to engage in the grief the family was feeling."
"When looking at loss with regards to children, we are constantly trying to protect them. We want to shield them from things like disappointment and loss but, at some point, we all have to deal with these issues."
A parallel can be made with the "goldfish test", says Nic. "What do we do when a child's goldfish dies? We can either replace it with a new fish and keep quiet, or use the opportunity to discuss death in an open way. In our experience, children are usually open to speaking about death and we hope to make more people feel at ease when discussing loss with children."
"Often, children are traumatised not by the death itself, but by the fears and anxieties they imagine to be connected with death. If we don't talk to children about their emotions, they could continue to be misinformed and believe things which aren't true; potentially causing much more damage."
"By not giving them the information they need when they suffer loss, it can make it more difficult for them to deal with some of their emotions. We can tell them it's okay to feel angry or upset and that it's okay to talk about things. If we don't involve a child, it may be that they end up thinking something awful is happening to them because of the way they are feeling."
Attendees will gain insight into children's experiences of the death of the parent and how to help them tackle the life-changing event as well as understanding the importance of being proactive instead of reactive. Tackling death at an earlier age can help children understand their emotions and prevent negative behaviour which can emerge years later if a child is ignored or excluded from the grieving process. Those attending the conference will also be given the opportunity to tap into a valuable network of professionals, exchanging ideas on supporting children as they deal with overwhelming feelings of loss.
Topics covered at the conference will include "How you can help children and young people who experience loss", "Grief matters for children in school", and "A child's perception of immigration from India to the UK" and the subsequent feelings of loss and culture and sense of belonging such a move can provoke. Speakers already attending are Sukhwant Kaur, team leader for Minority Ethnic Achievement at Hull's Children and Young People's Services; Alison Penny, co-ordinator of the Childhood Bereavement Network and Brenda Mallon, a counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in bereavement.
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For additional details on Dove House Hospice's Children and Loss: Time to Listen conference or to book a place, please visit the Dove House website. A complete brochure of the conference is also available.
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