Authored by Jimmie Burroughs
that've
The last song that Elvis Presley sang in public on stage, in June of 1977, was "Are you Lonesome tonight". Elvis was nervous when he introduced his very last song, and he claimed this about loneliness, "I am and I was". He was one of the most sought after people in the world. Thousands would have given anything to pass some time with him, yet before thousands live and millions on the television he revealed, I have been lonely and I am lonely.
It is Estimated that 49% of the people live alone and that could be a near all time record; is this the cause for so much loneliness in today's world? Not always since loneliness isn't caused simply by being alone as proved in the case of Elvis Presley. Some extremely lonely folk are married with family, or are surrounded by people daily. So , what's the deal with loneliness anyhow? Well, that's the goal of this work, to find out what loneliness is; what causes it, and how you can beat it.
Everybody on occasions experiences loneliness. Ironically it is more frequent around major holidays like Xmas and Valentine's Day. The feeling of loneliness isn't a frequent topic of conversation; many do not see why it occurs, or how to deal with it when it does happen.
So , what is loneliness? Several words describe it: An unpleasant feeling, solitude, emptiness, and feeling of isolation, depression, and painfulness. First of all, loneliness is a subjective feeling, actually an emotional drive. The technical definition of loneliness is: "A psychological mechanism intended to alert an individual to isolation and inspire him/her to find social connections." [1] That definition is the key to understanding loneliness as well as how to cope with it as we'll see as we continue.
An old saying announces, "No man is an island"; man was not intended to be alone, and it's apparent that he does better by associating with others. At the beginning, when God created the 1st man, Adam, he saw it wasn't good for man to be alone, so he created Eve as a helpmate. Having somebody is of major help in coping with loneliness, but infrequently more is required. Learning to cope with loneliness is of grave importance because loneliness has some significant consequences if not addressed.
As you see below, loneliness has a large range of negative and damaging effects to both physical and mental fitness. These are some of the health dangers that have been attached to it:
- Depression and suicide
- Increased levels of stress
- Heart problems & stroke
- Antisocial
- Loss of memory and learning
- Poor calls
- Abuse of alcohol and drugs
- Reduced brain function
- More susceptible to Alzheimer's illness
Some of the features of somebody coping with loneliness are: fear, anger, poor listening abilities, absence of information, impatience, depending too much on others, selfishness, and overwhelmed. It may also be noted that causes of loneliness vary seriously. A kid is affected differently than an older person. The older person may be battling with having lost their mate and could be having difficulty just getting on with their life. The child might be a victim of bullying or has trouble making friends in class.
It is fascinating to notice that the features listed above concerning someone experiencing loneliness are also some of the same things that personal development addresses. Handling those things which cause loneliness is just one of the advantages of private development. Private development enables an individual to address and adjust to all the issues of life including loneliness.
John Cacioppo, a College of Chicago psychological specialist and one of the top loneliness specialists, claims, "Loneliness is strongly hooked up to genetics [sometimes runs in a family]. Other contributory elements include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location and divorce. The passing of somebody significant in a person's life can also lead straight to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can also be an indication of a psychological disorder such as depression."
It is important to note that the emotion of loneliness is a God given drive; like other drives it is supposed to help man when used In the correct way. Remember the dictionary definition of loneliness given above: "A psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual to isolation and motivate him/her to seek social connections." Notice how we can use the same definition to define other drives. As an example, the hunger drive: "A mental mechanism meant to alert an individual to a need for nutrition and incentivize him/her to seek food." I'm hoping you are beginning to get the picture of how drives have an envisaged purpose. The means of dealing with the loneliness drive is best comprehended when loneliness itself is accepted.
There are many drives like the hunger drive, the sex drive, the anger drive and the fear drive, to name a few; all of which have their own way of being fulfilled or coped with. For instance, the sex drive is given for a married couple to feel and experience extreme pleasure and the closest intimacy; when the sex drive is misused as in the case of fornication, adultery, premarital sex or extra marital sex, it can be exceedingly harmful and damaging, both physically and emotionally, and even life-threatening. The same is true with loneliness.
It could be hard to comprehend that loneliness is designed to be something positive, but when used right it is. Loneliness is meant to warn and to motivate someone that social interaction is required. Older autos had a red caution oil light on the dash and when it flashed on, you knew you needed to add oil to avoid damaging the engine. It's correct also when we are warned by the loneliness drive that we are low on human interaction and need to add some to avoid damaging our body and spirit. A simple way of saying it would be that when we are lonesome, that is a sign that change is needed.
If your hunger drive starts sending you a message in the form of hunger pains, how you deal with it is by finding some food and eating (I do not believe I need to expand on the way in which the hunger drive can be misused). Eating doesn't suggest that the hunger drive is forever satisfied because in a couple of hours you are going to get the same message again. Loneliness works similar, although, thank the Lord, not as frequently. When you receive a message from the loneliness drive, you deal with it by making some changes in way of life. Like the hunger drive, it will not forever figure it out, and later you'll have to cope again. Learning ways to cope with loneliness is the secret.
Things worth doing to cope with loneliness:
Join a group or go where others are: Lately I begin to feel a little bit of loneliness; I live alone and spend lots of hours working alone on my PC. I noticed that I was spending way too much time by myself, not seeing enough people and chatting and socializing. Therefore , I joined a Bible study at church and commenced going more places where folks are and making it a point to talk with them.
Since I currently live by the sea, and there are often people on the pier, or on the beach, it is simple to meet and talk with folks. I have talked with some fascinating folks recently from around the world who are here holidaying.
Just yesterday I met Josh who had stopped off here for a while on his way finally to NY City. He had come this far by kayak, paddling all the way from Cincinnati, Ohio. He was headed next to Key West, Florida.
Volunteer for something that you believe in: My wife died about 7 years back. It's a very difficult time for me and I was extraordinarily forsaken and completely alone in a big house. I had a business at the time, and I noticed that what I needed was a totally new way of life. I went about it slowly as should be after losing a mate; it took about 2 years to complete. By the end of those two years I had purchased a motor home, turned my home over to my daughter and her folks to live in, and joined a body that did volunteer mission work. In the next 3 years I traveled in 37 states, met lots of new people, made plenty of new buddies and helped plenty of people. It saved me from my loneliness and began a wonderful new way of life.
Build new relationships and fortify old ones: The support from good pals is like a medication for loneliness. There are a lot of places to make new friends: Church is a superb place and online is another, but you must be careful online because you never know what kind of person you could be chatting with. You may want to try Stress Management Forum online to begin with, where you'll be able to find others who are also handling similar Problems, but always use caution and do not give out any personal info, especially your home address, fone number, deposit account numbers or Social Security numbers and so on.
Get yourself a pet; I say preferable a dog: I have both a dog and a cat. The kitty is an outside pet while my dog is and inside pet. It looks as if I'm being a little personal here and maybe I am since I've had to cope with some intense loneliness myself. Actually my dog came in a roundabout way. My other half always wanted a West Highland Terrier. It wasn't till she got sick that we finally agreed to get one. Unfortunately, she only lived about 10 months and I inherited the tiny dog. His name is McDuffie and he has really been a life saver to me.
It's been said that dogs are the one thing that loves another more than themselves. I don't necessarily agree they're the only thing, but I know it's true of McDuff. He really loves me and wants to always be with me. He has way more than earned his keep by being a true companion.
Conclusion:
There is no 100% treatment for loneliness. Since it is an emotion and not a disease, it just requires the appropriate action. And often you may have to learn to live with a little loneliness when it looks recalcitrant and won't depart. I do , but I continue to go about the more important business in my life. The truth of the matter is I don't believe you ever get completely past losing someone that is such a part of your life as a loving mate. There will always remain a lonesome place in your heart for them, but that doesn't have to get control of your life. There are too many exciting things yet to come. There is too much to be done, and too much to be accomplished to be hindered by loneliness. It also needs to be noted that professional help is sometimes needed to overcome some emotional problems.
[1] Wikipedia Definition for loneliness.
that've
The last song that Elvis Presley sang in public on stage, in June of 1977, was "Are you Lonesome tonight". Elvis was nervous when he introduced his very last song, and he claimed this about loneliness, "I am and I was". He was one of the most sought after people in the world. Thousands would have given anything to pass some time with him, yet before thousands live and millions on the television he revealed, I have been lonely and I am lonely.
It is Estimated that 49% of the people live alone and that could be a near all time record; is this the cause for so much loneliness in today's world? Not always since loneliness isn't caused simply by being alone as proved in the case of Elvis Presley. Some extremely lonely folk are married with family, or are surrounded by people daily. So , what's the deal with loneliness anyhow? Well, that's the goal of this work, to find out what loneliness is; what causes it, and how you can beat it.
Everybody on occasions experiences loneliness. Ironically it is more frequent around major holidays like Xmas and Valentine's Day. The feeling of loneliness isn't a frequent topic of conversation; many do not see why it occurs, or how to deal with it when it does happen.
So , what is loneliness? Several words describe it: An unpleasant feeling, solitude, emptiness, and feeling of isolation, depression, and painfulness. First of all, loneliness is a subjective feeling, actually an emotional drive. The technical definition of loneliness is: "A psychological mechanism intended to alert an individual to isolation and inspire him/her to find social connections." [1] That definition is the key to understanding loneliness as well as how to cope with it as we'll see as we continue.
An old saying announces, "No man is an island"; man was not intended to be alone, and it's apparent that he does better by associating with others. At the beginning, when God created the 1st man, Adam, he saw it wasn't good for man to be alone, so he created Eve as a helpmate. Having somebody is of major help in coping with loneliness, but infrequently more is required. Learning to cope with loneliness is of grave importance because loneliness has some significant consequences if not addressed.
As you see below, loneliness has a large range of negative and damaging effects to both physical and mental fitness. These are some of the health dangers that have been attached to it:
- Depression and suicide
- Increased levels of stress
- Heart problems & stroke
- Antisocial
- Loss of memory and learning
- Poor calls
- Abuse of alcohol and drugs
- Reduced brain function
- More susceptible to Alzheimer's illness
Some of the features of somebody coping with loneliness are: fear, anger, poor listening abilities, absence of information, impatience, depending too much on others, selfishness, and overwhelmed. It may also be noted that causes of loneliness vary seriously. A kid is affected differently than an older person. The older person may be battling with having lost their mate and could be having difficulty just getting on with their life. The child might be a victim of bullying or has trouble making friends in class.
It is fascinating to notice that the features listed above concerning someone experiencing loneliness are also some of the same things that personal development addresses. Handling those things which cause loneliness is just one of the advantages of private development. Private development enables an individual to address and adjust to all the issues of life including loneliness.
John Cacioppo, a College of Chicago psychological specialist and one of the top loneliness specialists, claims, "Loneliness is strongly hooked up to genetics [sometimes runs in a family]. Other contributory elements include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location and divorce. The passing of somebody significant in a person's life can also lead straight to feelings of loneliness. Loneliness can also be an indication of a psychological disorder such as depression."
It is important to note that the emotion of loneliness is a God given drive; like other drives it is supposed to help man when used In the correct way. Remember the dictionary definition of loneliness given above: "A psychological mechanism meant to alert an individual to isolation and motivate him/her to seek social connections." Notice how we can use the same definition to define other drives. As an example, the hunger drive: "A mental mechanism meant to alert an individual to a need for nutrition and incentivize him/her to seek food." I'm hoping you are beginning to get the picture of how drives have an envisaged purpose. The means of dealing with the loneliness drive is best comprehended when loneliness itself is accepted.
There are many drives like the hunger drive, the sex drive, the anger drive and the fear drive, to name a few; all of which have their own way of being fulfilled or coped with. For instance, the sex drive is given for a married couple to feel and experience extreme pleasure and the closest intimacy; when the sex drive is misused as in the case of fornication, adultery, premarital sex or extra marital sex, it can be exceedingly harmful and damaging, both physically and emotionally, and even life-threatening. The same is true with loneliness.
It could be hard to comprehend that loneliness is designed to be something positive, but when used right it is. Loneliness is meant to warn and to motivate someone that social interaction is required. Older autos had a red caution oil light on the dash and when it flashed on, you knew you needed to add oil to avoid damaging the engine. It's correct also when we are warned by the loneliness drive that we are low on human interaction and need to add some to avoid damaging our body and spirit. A simple way of saying it would be that when we are lonesome, that is a sign that change is needed.
If your hunger drive starts sending you a message in the form of hunger pains, how you deal with it is by finding some food and eating (I do not believe I need to expand on the way in which the hunger drive can be misused). Eating doesn't suggest that the hunger drive is forever satisfied because in a couple of hours you are going to get the same message again. Loneliness works similar, although, thank the Lord, not as frequently. When you receive a message from the loneliness drive, you deal with it by making some changes in way of life. Like the hunger drive, it will not forever figure it out, and later you'll have to cope again. Learning ways to cope with loneliness is the secret.
Things worth doing to cope with loneliness:
Join a group or go where others are: Lately I begin to feel a little bit of loneliness; I live alone and spend lots of hours working alone on my PC. I noticed that I was spending way too much time by myself, not seeing enough people and chatting and socializing. Therefore , I joined a Bible study at church and commenced going more places where folks are and making it a point to talk with them.
Since I currently live by the sea, and there are often people on the pier, or on the beach, it is simple to meet and talk with folks. I have talked with some fascinating folks recently from around the world who are here holidaying.
Just yesterday I met Josh who had stopped off here for a while on his way finally to NY City. He had come this far by kayak, paddling all the way from Cincinnati, Ohio. He was headed next to Key West, Florida.
Volunteer for something that you believe in: My wife died about 7 years back. It's a very difficult time for me and I was extraordinarily forsaken and completely alone in a big house. I had a business at the time, and I noticed that what I needed was a totally new way of life. I went about it slowly as should be after losing a mate; it took about 2 years to complete. By the end of those two years I had purchased a motor home, turned my home over to my daughter and her folks to live in, and joined a body that did volunteer mission work. In the next 3 years I traveled in 37 states, met lots of new people, made plenty of new buddies and helped plenty of people. It saved me from my loneliness and began a wonderful new way of life.
Build new relationships and fortify old ones: The support from good pals is like a medication for loneliness. There are a lot of places to make new friends: Church is a superb place and online is another, but you must be careful online because you never know what kind of person you could be chatting with. You may want to try Stress Management Forum online to begin with, where you'll be able to find others who are also handling similar Problems, but always use caution and do not give out any personal info, especially your home address, fone number, deposit account numbers or Social Security numbers and so on.
Get yourself a pet; I say preferable a dog: I have both a dog and a cat. The kitty is an outside pet while my dog is and inside pet. It looks as if I'm being a little personal here and maybe I am since I've had to cope with some intense loneliness myself. Actually my dog came in a roundabout way. My other half always wanted a West Highland Terrier. It wasn't till she got sick that we finally agreed to get one. Unfortunately, she only lived about 10 months and I inherited the tiny dog. His name is McDuffie and he has really been a life saver to me.
It's been said that dogs are the one thing that loves another more than themselves. I don't necessarily agree they're the only thing, but I know it's true of McDuff. He really loves me and wants to always be with me. He has way more than earned his keep by being a true companion.
Conclusion:
There is no 100% treatment for loneliness. Since it is an emotion and not a disease, it just requires the appropriate action. And often you may have to learn to live with a little loneliness when it looks recalcitrant and won't depart. I do , but I continue to go about the more important business in my life. The truth of the matter is I don't believe you ever get completely past losing someone that is such a part of your life as a loving mate. There will always remain a lonesome place in your heart for them, but that doesn't have to get control of your life. There are too many exciting things yet to come. There is too much to be done, and too much to be accomplished to be hindered by loneliness. It also needs to be noted that professional help is sometimes needed to overcome some emotional problems.
[1] Wikipedia Definition for loneliness.
About the Author:
About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivational speaker and writer who has been involved in teaching Christian Personal Development for at least 30 years. He's a dedicated believer in Jesus Christ, and considers helping people to become their very best thru individual growth is his first focus in life. His site contains over 600 articles on preparing yourself for success through personal development and the things that go with personal development. His writing centres on the truth instead of fluff that just teases the ears.
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